Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Why Doesn't HE Leave? (The real question)

Also on Justice Women
Posted anonymously:


I get what I want...
I get to tell other people what to do...
I get to control the money...
I get to make the rules...
I get waited on...

* It's Good to be the Dictator
* Violence Works
* No One Knows
* My Neighbors Still Like Me
* Cases Get Dismissed
* Not Held Accountable
* Not Properly Charged
* No EPO or Protective Order Issued
* Low Bond
* It's the Victim's Fault (SHE should leave) (or return)
* Community Does Not Condemn Violence
* It's my responsibility as a man to make and enforce family rules.
* If I leave, I'll be put to the trouble of breaking in a new woman.

or in the military:
~commands protect me
~good for my career (not bad)
~can always continue to keep my housing (after all I am the service member)
~will never be served a protective order
~not good for the outlook of the command so not being served a
military protective order will be a little secret between me and the command
~will not have to provide any support money to my spouse, spouse or child
with the absence of a court order (we all know court orders take time)
~when a court order is issued, I am safe on base and the command
does not like to get into personal affairs...
~abuse..."yeah right"....who is going to believe her?

* It's *My* House
* Free Sex/Housework on demand
* Her Salary is Convenient
* Only Way to Keep My Kids
* No One Walks Out on Me and Makes Me Look Like a Chump
* I Made Her What She Is Today
* I Can't Handle the Kids

and of course

*I Wuv Her


  1. Victim Blaming Game only HELPS the Abuser and STOPS Victims from leaving
    The Victim Blaming Game which the MEDIA so LOVES is Damaging the Victim's and only stops the victim from coming forward.

    Victim's feel shame and their abusers use that to control them. When we ask the question, "Why did she take him back?" we're helping the abuser. In reality it is the abuser who is forcing himself on the victim. Our system helps the abuser by not protecting the victim and even shaming and blaming her. If a victim decides to fight back she is placed on the stand and degraded. The abuser and his attorney know how to use the system to control the victim.

    She takes him back because we've helped to teach her learned helplessness. She has to accept her plight in order to live. It's a rare day when a woman escapes her tormentor. Many die in the process, become homeless, lose children, which also re-enforces, "Don't leave."

    I have seen it happen in Regan's case. It's horrible.

    And it's lasting effects never go away.

    What we're doing as a society is creating more abusers and victims. For what media time, ratings? TV, radio, internet when sending the wrong message acts as a tool for the abuser. It's costing lives.

    For children it's even worse, think what you're teaching them by making them spend time with the man who beat them and their mother. You know who those children often blame? The mother.

  2. You are so right. As advocates, all we can do is keep calling them on it and attempt to educate. You inspired a continuation post today on the media. Thank you, Diane (Innerlite)


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