5 Recently Published Books Domestic Violence Programs Should Have on Their Shelves

If you have been a reader of this blog for any length of time you know well how I feel about sharing information with all staff and volunteers and ensuring materials and learning opportunities are readily available. Hopefully every DV program has a reference library for staff members. Hopefully every DV program keeps materials updated and is receptive to suggestions in growing and enhancing your knowledge hub.

Along with the classics such as  Getting Free: You Can End Abuse and Take Back Your Life (New Leaf)
by Ginny NiCarthy, some newer books that should be included  and available to staff and volunteers are:

Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others
by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky – If you can only afford to purchase one item for the library this year, this is the book it should be. Written with humor and grace by a long time advocate, social worker and educator who understands the effects of doing advocacy work, both obvious and unseen. I cannot say enough about this helpful book ( a full review will be in a future post) and, if possible, more than one copy should be ordered.

Time's Up: How to Escape Abusive and Stalking Relationships Guide
 by Susan Murphy Milano – Full of step –by – step tools to assist victims escaping violence. See review HERE.

 Judging Victims: Why We Stigmatize Survivors, and How They Reclaim Respect
by Jennifer L. Dunn – from Amazon.com: 'Why didn't she resist?' 'Why is he telling us only now?' 'Why can't she move on?' Unpacking the questions that cast victims as deviants, Jennifer Dunn critically examines why we stigmatize survivors of rape, battering, incest, and clergy abuse - and how they reclaim their identities. Dunn explores the shifting perceptions over time of victims as blameworthy, blameless, pathetic, or heroic figures. She also links those images to their real-world consequences, demonstrating that they dominate the ways in which people think about intimate violence and individual responsibility.

Dangerous Exits: Escaping Abusive Relationships in Rural America (Critical Issues in Crime and Society)
 by Walter S. DeKeseredy and Martin D. Schwartz -  highlights the often under-researched, over neglected area of how battered women living in rural areas leave abusive relationships

 Dream Big: A Simple, Complicated Idea to Stop Family Violence
by Casey Gwinn with contributions by Gael Strack - "Casey Gwinn's work with women and families that are survivors of domestic abuse is nothing short of extraordinary. I have been inspired by his vision and dedication to ending the cycle of violence against women in this country and I hope Dream Big will inspire others as well."
-- Reese Witherspoon, Actress, Avon Global Ambassador

Jimmy Carter: "Losing my Religion for Equality"

Jimmy Carter authored an incredible Op Ed last week in the United Kingdom's Guardian titled "Losing My Religion for Equality" about how he has chosen to leave his church, the Southern Baptist Convention due to the discriminatory practices toward women. This is a portion of his profound statement:

So my decision to sever my ties with the Southern Baptist Convention, after six decades, was painful and difficult. It was, however, an unavoidable decision when th e convention's leaders, quoting a few carefully selected Bible verses and claiming that Eve was created second to Adam and was responsible for original sin, ordained that women must be "subservient" to their husbands and prohibited from serving as deacons, pastors or chaplains in the military service. This was in conflict with my belief - confirmed in the holy scriptures - that we are all equal in the eyes of God.
This view that women are somehow inferior to men is not restricted to one religion or belief. It is widespread. Women are prevented from playing a full and equal role in many faiths.
Nor, tragically, does its influence stop at the walls of the church, mosque, synagogue or temple. This discrimination, unjustifiably attributed to a Higher Authority, has provided a reason or excuse for the deprivation of women's equal rights across the world for centuries. The male interpretations of religious texts and the way they interact with, and reinforce, traditional practices justify some of the most pervasive, persistent, flagrant and damaging examples of human rights abuses. eyes of the Church, and the eyes of God:

There are battered women who struggle daily with the conflicts of safety for herself and the doctrine used to subjugate her and the women who follow her particular religious beliefs. Advocates must understand the importance of religion in her life and identity and help find ways for a dv victim to reconcile this .

Innovative Mom

Carmel Sullivan

 

Carmel Sullivan is a single mother success story.  When her marriage fell apart, she was able to turn her loss and loneliness into a resource that could benefit single mothers around the world. 

 

Growing up in Ireland, with 7 brothers and sisters, Carmel Sullivan had always known the comfort and support of a large, loving family.  That made dealing with her divorce all the more difficult. "I had just come out of a 17 year marriage and moved to a town where I didn't know anyone," she said.  "The feeling of being on my own was so foreign to me.  I actually started getting anxiety about feeling lonely."

When her 7-year-old son started school, after being home-schooled, the isolation was more than she could bear.  "One day I had this full blown panic attack," she said.  "It feels like you're going to die.  I said I'm never going to experience one of those again."

The idea came to her to find another single mother to share a house with.  ”It just seemed like a win-win situation," she said.  "It became crystal clear that that's what I needed to do.  But how do I find that?"

She started looking for a roommate and discovered some disturbing statistics.  The Bureau of Labor Statistics (2002-2003) shows 41% of single moms live at or below the poverty level compared to only 8% of married couples with kids under age 18.  According to the National Survey of Families and Households, the average single mother, who is the head of a household with children under 6, earns only about 1/4 of the income of two parent households while the basic expenses of food, utilities and shelter can be the same.

While interviewing moms, she was surprised at what she found.  One mother was living in a garage apartment with her kids.  Another was living with her parents and was completely miserable. ”For me it wasn't financial," said Sullivan.  "It was emotional.  I had no idea women were living like this."

Sullivan found a roommate but realized there were many women who needed help. That's when she decided to create CoAbode.  A friend suggested she put her project on the Internet, so she approached a web designer.  She went to some wealthy friends who backed her financially. Today, CoAbode is a non-profit web-based organization that serves as a resource for women across the nation who are raising children alone.  CoAbode offers a mom-matching service to single mothers who want to share a home. 

Home sharing not only offers a built-in friend to talk to but it can slice expenses in half and free up resources for things like education, investments and college funds.  Mothers in shared home situations also enjoy more independence, as cooking and other household tasks are divided.  They often have the freedom for an occasional night out or enroll in an evening class at a local college. 

"I really feel like I was a vehicle.  I basically just put one foot in front of the other.  It really just had to happen," she said.

CoAbode started in Southern California but quickly spread across the country and is moving into Canada.  Boss says the interest is world wide, with people wanting to bring the project to parts of Europe and Africa.  She says she's even been contacted by the Australian government.

At first, most of her clients were women who had single-mother roommates but needed to find a house.  As word spread, women turned to CoAbode when they were dealing with a divorce and wanted to hang on to their house, or nice apartment.  Sullivan says a good number of women who open up their homes just need company but, often, strong friendships are formed.

"When I first started this, I thought it was a transitional opportunity for women but some will say, 'I'm doing this until my kids are 18.'  Some even buy a house together and create a nest egg together."

"I have seen it happen where women get into thinking that they have to do it alone," she said. "That is really an illusion. We may think we have to do it all on our own but that's just not true.  So many of friends and family members would be willing to help if people would just ask them.  What we don't realize is that people love helping other people."

For more information about CoAbode, visit the organization's web site at www.coabode.org.